Relationships first: A cautionary tale for nonprofit fundraising

We’ve all been there. You’re checking out at the grocery store, grabbing a coffee, or finishing an online order when the question pops up: would you like to add a donation today? Sometimes you say yes. Other times you feel a little awkward saying no, especially with a line forming behind you.

Recent research from Adelaide University, published in the Journal of Retailing and Consumer Services, suggests these seemingly harmless asks can have unintended consequences. In a survey of 329 U.S. consumers about a checkout donation scenario, researchers found that feeling rushed or judged by others was linked to anxiety and a lower willingness to donate. Those same feelings were linked to less satisfaction with the checkout experience, a more negative view of the retailer, and lower intentions to shop there again.

The university’s summary of the research is a quick, worthwhile read, even if your

organization never goes near a checkout counter. The study looked at retailers’ checkout requests, not nonprofits’ own appeals. Still, the lesson travels: even when the cause is worthy and intentions are good, how someone is asked to give matters. Fundraising is all about relationships, and every interaction with a donor can strengthen or weaken that connection.

Here are three suggestions from our team for putting relationships first in your fundraising and stewardship.

Make giving an invitation, not an obligation

Donors should feel inspired to support your mission, not cornered. Whether you’re sending a year-end appeal, following up on a pledge, or inviting someone into a campaign, think about how your message will land. Are you giving donors enough information to make a thoughtful decision? Are you respecting their timing and circumstances? Is your message about the chance to make a difference, rather than guilt about what happens if they don’t give? A donor who declines one request may still become one of your most loyal supporters. Protecting that relationship matters more than any single gift.

Remember that stewardship is more than another opportunity to ask

It’s easy for fundraising communications to turn into a steady stream of asks, especially during the year-end rush. But donors also need to hear from you when you aren’t asking for money. Share stories about the impact of their generosity, celebrate wins, and give updates on the people and communities you serve. A personal note, a good conversation, or an invitation to see your work up close shows donors you value them for more than their checkbook.

Looking for an easy, no-ask touchpoint this season? Share our year-end giving tips with your supporters. It’s a list of 12 practical tips for giving smart before December 31, and passing along something genuinely useful is a great way to say “we’re thinking of you,” not just “we’re thinking of your wallet.”

Pay attention to the donor’s experience

The checkout research is a good reminder to think about how a request makes someone feel. Apply that same lens to your own communications. Are donors getting too many emails? Do your follow-ups feel helpful or pushy? Are you recognizing their interests and preferences, or treating everyone the same? Try reviewing your fundraising practices through a donor’s eyes. You might find ways to simplify giving, personalize communications, offer more choices, or create ways to engage that don’t involve an immediate gift.

Ask thoughtfully, and keep asking

Of course, nonprofits have to ask! Thoughtful, consistent fundraising keeps programs running and missions moving, and there’s nothing inherently wrong with checkout campaigns, year-end appeals, or any other strategy that encourages people to give. The key difference is between inviting someone into a meaningful relationship with your organization and making them feel obligated to complete a transaction.

As you look at your fundraising strategies, remember that the most valuable outcome isn’t always today’s gift. It’s the trust you build, the connection you strengthen, and the relationship that keeps someone involved with your mission for years to come. Put the relationship first. Your results will be stronger when donors feel respected, informed, and genuinely connected to the difference you’re making.

P.S. One more way to put relationships first: say thank you out loud. Know a donor, volunteer, or staff member who makes your mission possible? Nominate them for the 2027 Kitsap Celebration of Philanthropy! Nominations close Friday, December 11, at KitsapFoundation.org/celebration.

As always, our team is here to help. Reach out anytime!